Spring Break
This Week in Gossip
Meagan Williams
Issue date: 2/16/07 Section: Diversions
Tori Spelling on FRIENDS?: Does anyone remember what Monica looked like in the fat suit on FRIENDS? Yeah, well, if you've seen Tori Spelling, you have had a flashback. She claims it's because of her pregnancy.
I think that whole thing is a publicity stunt. I'm calling it right now: Tori Spelling is going to say she "had her baby" and then, she's going to try to get on Celebrity Fit Club.
Someone, please just take a picture of her, or put her on an infomercial - because I'm sad for her.
Drew stole my man: Drew Barrymore has stolen my imaginary boyfriend, Zach Braff. And I'm ready to kill her. Right here, in my column, I'm calling her out.
Barrymore, I challenge you to a duel. A duel for the love and affection of my dream man, Zach Braff. You, me, exit 284 off of Interstate 5.
You call the date and time. I'll be there. You best believe I'm bringing the fury, Barrymore - I got two guns with your name on 'em!
And Zach, don't worry, I'll get this slut off of you. And then you and I can run away together and write a screenplay and be richer than rich.
You know you want to - that girl was in "E.T." for heaven's sake! I was in my sixth grade production of "Joseph & The Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat" ... I'm amazing!
Alessandra makes me look dumb: Delicious Victoria's Secret model Alessandra Ambrosio shared some Valentine's Day gift ideas today from the VS line.
Alessandra happens to be my boyfriend's favorite model, and he oogles after her. So I thought that I could try what she suggested. But the teddy from VS made me look like a truck stop stripper.
So then I tried the VS body paint. But then I noticed that it got all over my clothes. Nobody told me you had to do it naked.
Then I tried one of the new lace bras, which, although itchy, looked pretty rad. So I stole it. Because I don't have the money for a $60 bra. I'm in college. What do they expect?
Mischa Barton needs advice: When she wore a long t-shirt and pantyhose, I said nothing. When she wore sneakers with an expensive dress, I said nothing. But I'm sorry - I can't keep quiet, because Mischa was recently photographed wearing what looks like a burlap sack with sleeves. It's like she jumped into a dumpster and decided what she came out covered in was a good thing.
I'm outraged. I'm disgusted. And yet, I'm intrigued.
What will she do next? Use hundred dollar bills to cover up her naughty bits? Will she use tube socks to make a pair of capris? I am tempted to do nothing and just let her do her thing. After all, I don't make as much money as her, and I am not as thin, but I can dress myself.
That brings me great pride. And so, Mischa, I will let you continue to embarrass yourself while women like me sit back and watch with pride.
Nicky Hilton sucks at life: Nicky Hilton is being sued. Yes, I said it. Sued. By a Chicago development group. The lawsuit was filed a few days ago.
Apparently she hasn't kept her end of the bargain in the development of her own hotel.
I'm not even going to bring up the obvious irony in this latest Hilton-offspring fiasco. She allegedly didn't contract out the interior design correctly or something.
Honestly, I didn't really care about the story. I just think it's funny that Nicky Hilton is being sued.
The funny part is if the plaintiff wins, they could be surprised because Nicky doesn't earn much on her own.
Who knows, they might just end up getting a tube of lipstick and a designer dress. One can only hope.
---
Meagan Wiliams, diversions@dailybarometer.com
I think that whole thing is a publicity stunt. I'm calling it right now: Tori Spelling is going to say she "had her baby" and then, she's going to try to get on Celebrity Fit Club.
Someone, please just take a picture of her, or put her on an infomercial - because I'm sad for her.
Drew stole my man: Drew Barrymore has stolen my imaginary boyfriend, Zach Braff. And I'm ready to kill her. Right here, in my column, I'm calling her out.
Barrymore, I challenge you to a duel. A duel for the love and affection of my dream man, Zach Braff. You, me, exit 284 off of Interstate 5.
You call the date and time. I'll be there. You best believe I'm bringing the fury, Barrymore - I got two guns with your name on 'em!
And Zach, don't worry, I'll get this slut off of you. And then you and I can run away together and write a screenplay and be richer than rich.
You know you want to - that girl was in "E.T." for heaven's sake! I was in my sixth grade production of "Joseph & The Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat" ... I'm amazing!
Alessandra makes me look dumb: Delicious Victoria's Secret model Alessandra Ambrosio shared some Valentine's Day gift ideas today from the VS line.
Alessandra happens to be my boyfriend's favorite model, and he oogles after her. So I thought that I could try what she suggested. But the teddy from VS made me look like a truck stop stripper.
So then I tried the VS body paint. But then I noticed that it got all over my clothes. Nobody told me you had to do it naked.
Then I tried one of the new lace bras, which, although itchy, looked pretty rad. So I stole it. Because I don't have the money for a $60 bra. I'm in college. What do they expect?
Mischa Barton needs advice: When she wore a long t-shirt and pantyhose, I said nothing. When she wore sneakers with an expensive dress, I said nothing. But I'm sorry - I can't keep quiet, because Mischa was recently photographed wearing what looks like a burlap sack with sleeves. It's like she jumped into a dumpster and decided what she came out covered in was a good thing.
I'm outraged. I'm disgusted. And yet, I'm intrigued.
What will she do next? Use hundred dollar bills to cover up her naughty bits? Will she use tube socks to make a pair of capris? I am tempted to do nothing and just let her do her thing. After all, I don't make as much money as her, and I am not as thin, but I can dress myself.
That brings me great pride. And so, Mischa, I will let you continue to embarrass yourself while women like me sit back and watch with pride.
Nicky Hilton sucks at life: Nicky Hilton is being sued. Yes, I said it. Sued. By a Chicago development group. The lawsuit was filed a few days ago.
Apparently she hasn't kept her end of the bargain in the development of her own hotel.
I'm not even going to bring up the obvious irony in this latest Hilton-offspring fiasco. She allegedly didn't contract out the interior design correctly or something.
Honestly, I didn't really care about the story. I just think it's funny that Nicky Hilton is being sued.
The funny part is if the plaintiff wins, they could be surprised because Nicky doesn't earn much on her own.
Who knows, they might just end up getting a tube of lipstick and a designer dress. One can only hope.
Meagan Wiliams, diversions@dailybarometer.com
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