Spring Break
In comes marriage, out goes sex
Kathy Greaves
Issue date: 6/6/07 Section: Forum
Dear Dr. Sex:
My girlfriend has had a few urinary tract infections, usually a few days after having multiple sex sessions in a single day. Is there anything that I (the boyfriend) can do to help reduce these infections?
Signed,
Whoops, I did it again
Dear Whoops, I did it again:
Unfortunately, there isn't anything you can do. I can provide a couple of suggestions for things she can do though. Some women are more susceptible to bladder (urinary tract) infections (UTIs) than others and it sounds like your girlfriend is one of those unfortunate ones. There are two specific things she can do: 1. Be sure to urinate soon after having any sort of genital contact (this includes vaginal intercourse, oral sex performed on her or anal sex). The reason for doing this is to flush out any bacteria that may have made their way up the urethra during intercourse. The sooner she urinates, the less chance the bacteria have to get back into the bladder. 2. Drink an eight-ounce glass of cranberry juice every day. There is something in cranberry juice that changes the surface of the bladder lining, making it difficult, if not impossible, for bacteria to hang out and cause trouble. That's medical terminology, you know.
Dear Dr. Sex:
I'm a fairly recent OSU alum as well as a former student from one of your classes. I was hoping you could offer some advice on a problem my wife and I have encountered this last year.
We've been together for nearly 5 years now and were married last year. Within the last 6-9 months, my wife has completely lost her sex drive and we haven't had sex since December. We've tried talking about it on many occasions and she feels like she honestly has no idea why she has absolutely no interest in sex anymore. We've tried everything from taking things slowly, to going on romantic dates to try to bring back some of her drive but nothing seems to do the trick.
I know that hormones play a huge part in anyone's libido and as background information, she was on the patch, then switched off about a year ago, tried the pill for about a month but didn't feel well on it and when she stopped the pill her cycle was thrown completely out of whack. She hasn't had a regular period since she quit the pill and she recently saw a doctor who gave her a 10-day treatment to try and help "jumpstart" her cycle. Coincidentally, her libido started to drastically decrease when she started switching birth control and completely stopped for all purposes when her cycle lost its regularity.
We still share a wonderful relationship and emotionally we are as close as ever, but it is very frustrating to not be able to be intimate with my wife. She has even said on many occasions that she just wants it to come back, but it just won't. I'm just trying to figure out what this could be, and I'm also trying to figure out how to be a supportive spouse because that is what she deserves. Any thoughts?
Signed, Frustrated Alum
Dear Frustrated Alum:
The first thing I'd like to say is that I appreciate how supportive you are being and the effort you are making in trying to help your wife get her libido back. It can be hard (no pun intended) for anyone in a sexual relationship to go without sex for six months, but it can be even more difficult for someone who has only been married for a year.
When someone's libido drops, there are usually two possible causes. The first is related to testosterone levels. A decrease in testosterone can be caused by all forms of hormone-based contraceptives. (Hormonal methods include all oral contraceptives [the pill], Ortho Evra [the patch], Nuvaring [the vaginal ring], and Depo Provera [the injection].) Note the emphasis on "can," because all hormone-based methods do not automatically cause a decrease in testosterone. Some women have that experience from some types of hormone-based methods while other women do not. In fact, many women experience an increased libido when they start using hormone-based contraception. My recommendation would be to start here. Have your wife consult her doctor again. She needs to be clear that not only does she want a regular cycle, but that she wants her sex drive back. It may seem difficult for her to bring up that subject, but if her doctor does not know she is experiencing that side effect, her doctor will not be able to help fully.
The second and more complex reason for one's libido to drop has to do with the relationship itself. In many instances, problems in the bedroom are an indicator of problems in the relationship. As a side note, I'd like to point out that it is not the reverse. Many people erroneously believe that if a couple starts having sexual problems it can negatively affect the rest of their relationship/marriage. What typically happens is that couples experience relational/marital problems, which then affect their sexual relationship.
Now let me get back to the issue at hand. I am not suggesting that your marriage is at risk here, but your wife may be having trouble adjusting to being married. I know you were together for four years prior to getting married, but marriage is different than any other type of relationship and there is no way around that. It may help to get her to explore her prior expectations of marriage versus the reality of marriage. In this instance, my advice would be for the two of you to see a couples' counselor (if seeing her medical doctor gleans no results).
---
Kathy Greaves, Ph.D., is a senior instructor at OSU in the department of human development and family sciences. The opinions expressed in her column, which appear every Monday, do not necessarily represent the views of The Daily Barometer staff. Greaves can be reached at kathy.greaves@oregonstate.edu or by placing questions in the box at the MU information desk. All questions submitted to Greaves are subject to being answered in her Dr. Sex column.
My girlfriend has had a few urinary tract infections, usually a few days after having multiple sex sessions in a single day. Is there anything that I (the boyfriend) can do to help reduce these infections?
Signed,
Whoops, I did it again
Dear Whoops, I did it again:
Unfortunately, there isn't anything you can do. I can provide a couple of suggestions for things she can do though. Some women are more susceptible to bladder (urinary tract) infections (UTIs) than others and it sounds like your girlfriend is one of those unfortunate ones. There are two specific things she can do: 1. Be sure to urinate soon after having any sort of genital contact (this includes vaginal intercourse, oral sex performed on her or anal sex). The reason for doing this is to flush out any bacteria that may have made their way up the urethra during intercourse. The sooner she urinates, the less chance the bacteria have to get back into the bladder. 2. Drink an eight-ounce glass of cranberry juice every day. There is something in cranberry juice that changes the surface of the bladder lining, making it difficult, if not impossible, for bacteria to hang out and cause trouble. That's medical terminology, you know.
Dear Dr. Sex:
I'm a fairly recent OSU alum as well as a former student from one of your classes. I was hoping you could offer some advice on a problem my wife and I have encountered this last year.
We've been together for nearly 5 years now and were married last year. Within the last 6-9 months, my wife has completely lost her sex drive and we haven't had sex since December. We've tried talking about it on many occasions and she feels like she honestly has no idea why she has absolutely no interest in sex anymore. We've tried everything from taking things slowly, to going on romantic dates to try to bring back some of her drive but nothing seems to do the trick.
I know that hormones play a huge part in anyone's libido and as background information, she was on the patch, then switched off about a year ago, tried the pill for about a month but didn't feel well on it and when she stopped the pill her cycle was thrown completely out of whack. She hasn't had a regular period since she quit the pill and she recently saw a doctor who gave her a 10-day treatment to try and help "jumpstart" her cycle. Coincidentally, her libido started to drastically decrease when she started switching birth control and completely stopped for all purposes when her cycle lost its regularity.
We still share a wonderful relationship and emotionally we are as close as ever, but it is very frustrating to not be able to be intimate with my wife. She has even said on many occasions that she just wants it to come back, but it just won't. I'm just trying to figure out what this could be, and I'm also trying to figure out how to be a supportive spouse because that is what she deserves. Any thoughts?
Signed, Frustrated Alum
Dear Frustrated Alum:
The first thing I'd like to say is that I appreciate how supportive you are being and the effort you are making in trying to help your wife get her libido back. It can be hard (no pun intended) for anyone in a sexual relationship to go without sex for six months, but it can be even more difficult for someone who has only been married for a year.
When someone's libido drops, there are usually two possible causes. The first is related to testosterone levels. A decrease in testosterone can be caused by all forms of hormone-based contraceptives. (Hormonal methods include all oral contraceptives [the pill], Ortho Evra [the patch], Nuvaring [the vaginal ring], and Depo Provera [the injection].) Note the emphasis on "can," because all hormone-based methods do not automatically cause a decrease in testosterone. Some women have that experience from some types of hormone-based methods while other women do not. In fact, many women experience an increased libido when they start using hormone-based contraception. My recommendation would be to start here. Have your wife consult her doctor again. She needs to be clear that not only does she want a regular cycle, but that she wants her sex drive back. It may seem difficult for her to bring up that subject, but if her doctor does not know she is experiencing that side effect, her doctor will not be able to help fully.
The second and more complex reason for one's libido to drop has to do with the relationship itself. In many instances, problems in the bedroom are an indicator of problems in the relationship. As a side note, I'd like to point out that it is not the reverse. Many people erroneously believe that if a couple starts having sexual problems it can negatively affect the rest of their relationship/marriage. What typically happens is that couples experience relational/marital problems, which then affect their sexual relationship.
Now let me get back to the issue at hand. I am not suggesting that your marriage is at risk here, but your wife may be having trouble adjusting to being married. I know you were together for four years prior to getting married, but marriage is different than any other type of relationship and there is no way around that. It may help to get her to explore her prior expectations of marriage versus the reality of marriage. In this instance, my advice would be for the two of you to see a couples' counselor (if seeing her medical doctor gleans no results).
Kathy Greaves, Ph.D., is a senior instructor at OSU in the department of human development and family sciences. The opinions expressed in her column, which appear every Monday, do not necessarily represent the views of The Daily Barometer staff. Greaves can be reached at kathy.greaves@oregonstate.edu or by placing questions in the box at the MU information desk. All questions submitted to Greaves are subject to being answered in her Dr. Sex column.
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