Spring Break
Breaking the silence, choosing to fight
Sara Gwin
Issue date: 3/4/08 Section: Forum
On May 20, 2006, in my hometown, my friend Melissa was found dead.
She had committed suicide after a long battle with depression. She was a person who experienced a large amount of pain in her life but she was very optimistic about life and potential for the liberation of the oppressed.
She was wise beyond her years and had a unique ability to reach people on a variety of levels. She was a lesbian and the president of the Gay Straight Alliance of our high school where she spoke out about LGBT issues in and out school.
As could be expected, I went through a long period of mourning, complete with a wide range of emotions and a numbness that left me virtually immobile for days.
I cried out to her, telling her all the things I wish she could have heard. I grieved for the loss, the person she was and the person she would have become.
But grieving for her loss was only half of the emotional struggle I had at the time. I was upset over how I had failed as a friend and an ally.
At that time, I was trying so hard to come off as a devout Christian that I focused more on keeping up appearances than being the kind of friend I should have been and really wanted to be.
I was not a part of the GSA even though I fully supported everything it stood for and the individuals within it.
Even through my first year at OSU, I was silent in times I knew I should have spoken up against homophobia and hate.
Of course my friends knew how I felt, but I didn't have the courage to speak up in church groups or around others - and the guilt began to eat away at me.
Part of me was so ashamed I had developed such a liberal interpretation of the Bible and of faith because I was so different from those around me. The other part of me couldn't understand how there could be so many closed-minded people following the same religion as me.
After Melissa's death, I spent several months re-evaluating my life. What had I become? Why did I care so much about coming off as a certain kind of Christian? What role did I play in her state of loneliness and depression?
She had committed suicide after a long battle with depression. She was a person who experienced a large amount of pain in her life but she was very optimistic about life and potential for the liberation of the oppressed.
She was wise beyond her years and had a unique ability to reach people on a variety of levels. She was a lesbian and the president of the Gay Straight Alliance of our high school where she spoke out about LGBT issues in and out school.
As could be expected, I went through a long period of mourning, complete with a wide range of emotions and a numbness that left me virtually immobile for days.
I cried out to her, telling her all the things I wish she could have heard. I grieved for the loss, the person she was and the person she would have become.
But grieving for her loss was only half of the emotional struggle I had at the time. I was upset over how I had failed as a friend and an ally.
At that time, I was trying so hard to come off as a devout Christian that I focused more on keeping up appearances than being the kind of friend I should have been and really wanted to be.
I was not a part of the GSA even though I fully supported everything it stood for and the individuals within it.
Even through my first year at OSU, I was silent in times I knew I should have spoken up against homophobia and hate.
Of course my friends knew how I felt, but I didn't have the courage to speak up in church groups or around others - and the guilt began to eat away at me.
Part of me was so ashamed I had developed such a liberal interpretation of the Bible and of faith because I was so different from those around me. The other part of me couldn't understand how there could be so many closed-minded people following the same religion as me.
After Melissa's death, I spent several months re-evaluating my life. What had I become? Why did I care so much about coming off as a certain kind of Christian? What role did I play in her state of loneliness and depression?
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