Spring Break
Arbitrary Argument: Faux Hawk vs. Blow Out
You decide: two different hair styles, two different personas to uphold
Ruben Casas and Alex McElroy
Issue date: 5/9/08 Section: Diversions
It's hard to imagine a Spartan hoplite running into battle with a ridiculous glob of hair-and-product weighing him down, stinging his eyes. Actually, it's just hard to imagine a Spartan making such a poor choice in personal grooming, period.
Blowout
The faux-hawk is the most over popularized obsession since the news of David Beckham's LA Galaxy arrival. In fact, it is Becks who can be credited with starting the trend. And we all know how his attempt to make soccer popular in the U.S. went. So why should we jump on his bandwagon now? And don't tell me abs of steel, boyish good looks and the voice of a 10-year-old girl (YouTube an interview - it's hilarious), because those are the reasons to buy someone's jersey, not steal his hairstyle.
But if you're looking for a haircut with staying power, the one that is not only up your alley, but up in the air, pass on the faux-hawk (really, even the name implies phoniness) and try out the blowout.
What better way is there to use up an entire bottle of Dep 9 than by emptying it onto your head and pulling up on your follicles till you resemble a blowfish ready to attack? That's the thing about a blowout: it lets the woman at your side (and the women in your line of sight, you sly dog, you) that you have a defense mechanism should anything go awry thanks to that tough-talkin' 'tude that comes standard with a blowout.
But what about the time and effort that go into forming the blowout, you ask? When one looks at the correlation studies done on blowout vs. faux-hawk preparation time, the verdict is simple: an exorbitant amount of time is being wasted staring into a mirror. So why not spend that time creating a blowout, rich with miniature stalagmites protruding from your scalp?
And if you're worried about messing up your freshly gelled hair when you put a shirt on, just follow the primary rule of dressing with a blowout: always wear clothing with large head openings, i.e. wife-beaters, half-zipped track jackets or unbuttoned, collar-popped polo shirts. Even if you are stuck wearing a different form of shirt (maybe an Abercrombie t-shirt that you "accidentally" bought two sizes too small), the gel will easily hold your style in place.
Blowout
The faux-hawk is the most over popularized obsession since the news of David Beckham's LA Galaxy arrival. In fact, it is Becks who can be credited with starting the trend. And we all know how his attempt to make soccer popular in the U.S. went. So why should we jump on his bandwagon now? And don't tell me abs of steel, boyish good looks and the voice of a 10-year-old girl (YouTube an interview - it's hilarious), because those are the reasons to buy someone's jersey, not steal his hairstyle.
But if you're looking for a haircut with staying power, the one that is not only up your alley, but up in the air, pass on the faux-hawk (really, even the name implies phoniness) and try out the blowout.
What better way is there to use up an entire bottle of Dep 9 than by emptying it onto your head and pulling up on your follicles till you resemble a blowfish ready to attack? That's the thing about a blowout: it lets the woman at your side (and the women in your line of sight, you sly dog, you) that you have a defense mechanism should anything go awry thanks to that tough-talkin' 'tude that comes standard with a blowout.
But what about the time and effort that go into forming the blowout, you ask? When one looks at the correlation studies done on blowout vs. faux-hawk preparation time, the verdict is simple: an exorbitant amount of time is being wasted staring into a mirror. So why not spend that time creating a blowout, rich with miniature stalagmites protruding from your scalp?
And if you're worried about messing up your freshly gelled hair when you put a shirt on, just follow the primary rule of dressing with a blowout: always wear clothing with large head openings, i.e. wife-beaters, half-zipped track jackets or unbuttoned, collar-popped polo shirts. Even if you are stuck wearing a different form of shirt (maybe an Abercrombie t-shirt that you "accidentally" bought two sizes too small), the gel will easily hold your style in place.
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