Spring Break
Arbitrary Argument: American Holiday Style!
Which National holiday will you choose this week?
By Ruben Casas & Alex McElroy
Issue date: 5/23/08 Section: Diversions
You'll remember all these things this Memorial Day. Heck, maybe you'll have so many things to remember that you'll make a weekend out of it. Macy's will.
The thing is, you can expect to forget these things just as soon as you sign in to your MySpace to look up "that cute guy by the keg that kept looking at me the whole night - yeah, did you see him? Well after I told him to stop, he kept on trying to put his hand up my shirt - I know, creepy huh? - he gave me his number. I'm going to call him for sure. Wait, OMG he has like almost 2,000 friends. That is so cool, right? Okay, should I friend him? Is that weird, you think? Yeah, I'm gonna… Oh my god, look - he has a yellow ribbon on his profile. That is totally cool, finding a guy that, like, cares about stuff. Yeah, totally cool right? I friended him. It would be like totally cool if I hooked up with this guy, I think. I love barbecues. This one was so much fun! What was the occasion - do you remember?"
Labor Day
With Mother's Day just past us and Memorial Day right around the corner, I feel it is right to bring up the holiday that combines the two of them flawlessly: Labor Day. Since Congress declared it an official holiday in 1894, it has been the best way to celebrate the struggle and pain of maternity.
How exactly was the idea for Labor Day conceived? Well, it started the same way we all start: as a twinkle in the eye of the premature Women's Rights Movement.
After failing to earn themselves the right to vote with their constant lobbies, women decided to compromise with the Senate. They weren't given equal wages or respect, but they were given a holiday to celebrate the dilation of their cervixes!
Some out there will tell you that this information is bogus, that Labor Day was formed as an act of the Central Labor Union's desire to make a "day off for the working man." To them I say, "Malarkey." Wikipedia supports that definition as Labor Day, and I've already learned my lesson with Wikipedia. (My apologies yet again to Sinbad's family for the premature condolences I left you.)
The thing is, you can expect to forget these things just as soon as you sign in to your MySpace to look up "that cute guy by the keg that kept looking at me the whole night - yeah, did you see him? Well after I told him to stop, he kept on trying to put his hand up my shirt - I know, creepy huh? - he gave me his number. I'm going to call him for sure. Wait, OMG he has like almost 2,000 friends. That is so cool, right? Okay, should I friend him? Is that weird, you think? Yeah, I'm gonna… Oh my god, look - he has a yellow ribbon on his profile. That is totally cool, finding a guy that, like, cares about stuff. Yeah, totally cool right? I friended him. It would be like totally cool if I hooked up with this guy, I think. I love barbecues. This one was so much fun! What was the occasion - do you remember?"
Labor Day
With Mother's Day just past us and Memorial Day right around the corner, I feel it is right to bring up the holiday that combines the two of them flawlessly: Labor Day. Since Congress declared it an official holiday in 1894, it has been the best way to celebrate the struggle and pain of maternity.
How exactly was the idea for Labor Day conceived? Well, it started the same way we all start: as a twinkle in the eye of the premature Women's Rights Movement.
After failing to earn themselves the right to vote with their constant lobbies, women decided to compromise with the Senate. They weren't given equal wages or respect, but they were given a holiday to celebrate the dilation of their cervixes!
Some out there will tell you that this information is bogus, that Labor Day was formed as an act of the Central Labor Union's desire to make a "day off for the working man." To them I say, "Malarkey." Wikipedia supports that definition as Labor Day, and I've already learned my lesson with Wikipedia. (My apologies yet again to Sinbad's family for the premature condolences I left you.)
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