Spring Break
Arbitrary Argument: American Holiday Style!
Which National holiday will you choose this week?
By Ruben Casas & Alex McElroy
Issue date: 5/23/08 Section: Diversions
Memorial Day
Memorial Day, the last Monday of each May, on which Americans traditionally gather around the grill to remember things they've forgotten, has been relegated to a Macy's store-wide sale. Now, I'm not saying you shouldn't get that new two-piece you promised yourself you'd fit into by the second week in June, or that you shouldn't get your dad another golf-themed gift pack that includes a pair of boxers, a tie, socks, tie, pen and pencil set, business car holder, Rolodex, cufflinks, wallet, hip flask and baseball cap advertised at $7.99 in time for Father's Day. In fact, please do these things, but also remember to recall all the memories you've forgotten this year. Have friends over for a barbecue (after you hit the sale) and do it together. Depending on what there was to forget, you'll find that alcohol helps jog the memory.
The first Memorial Day was observed during the American Civil War. On this particular day the teenaged men in the Union Army got together to remember, as accurately as possible, how many women they had promised to come back and marry, how many they had left pregnant, who they really wanted to marry, who they really wanted to get pregnant, and once they made their way through all the Elizabeths, Victorias, Beverlys and Anas, they also remembered that they were fighting to ensure that the population of slaves in the South didn't count toward the number that helped decide how much tax revenue each state got and how many representatives they were able to send to Washington. The Confederacy probably observed a similar holiday when those soldiers remembered that they were fighting for the ability to count all of their slaves, but also for the right to deny them freedom.
Thankfully for you, the extent of your forgotten memories doesn't extend past band camp the summer before your senior year when you got mono from either Kelly or Kyle. You guess it could have been both. So there's that to remember.
Oh, and also how you wanted to do really well this term in all your classes, how you were going to get all your assignments done and in on time, how you were going to study for midterms. Damn. And hadn't you said something about "hittin'" Dixon more often - maybe taking a yoga class? Oh well. Wasn't there something about keeping up with the news, current events? You were going to do less Facebook-stalking and more newspaper reading? Get familiar with the upcoming election, the candidates, the issues - all that? Wait, when was the Oregon primary?
Memorial Day, the last Monday of each May, on which Americans traditionally gather around the grill to remember things they've forgotten, has been relegated to a Macy's store-wide sale. Now, I'm not saying you shouldn't get that new two-piece you promised yourself you'd fit into by the second week in June, or that you shouldn't get your dad another golf-themed gift pack that includes a pair of boxers, a tie, socks, tie, pen and pencil set, business car holder, Rolodex, cufflinks, wallet, hip flask and baseball cap advertised at $7.99 in time for Father's Day. In fact, please do these things, but also remember to recall all the memories you've forgotten this year. Have friends over for a barbecue (after you hit the sale) and do it together. Depending on what there was to forget, you'll find that alcohol helps jog the memory.
The first Memorial Day was observed during the American Civil War. On this particular day the teenaged men in the Union Army got together to remember, as accurately as possible, how many women they had promised to come back and marry, how many they had left pregnant, who they really wanted to marry, who they really wanted to get pregnant, and once they made their way through all the Elizabeths, Victorias, Beverlys and Anas, they also remembered that they were fighting to ensure that the population of slaves in the South didn't count toward the number that helped decide how much tax revenue each state got and how many representatives they were able to send to Washington. The Confederacy probably observed a similar holiday when those soldiers remembered that they were fighting for the ability to count all of their slaves, but also for the right to deny them freedom.
Thankfully for you, the extent of your forgotten memories doesn't extend past band camp the summer before your senior year when you got mono from either Kelly or Kyle. You guess it could have been both. So there's that to remember.
Oh, and also how you wanted to do really well this term in all your classes, how you were going to get all your assignments done and in on time, how you were going to study for midterms. Damn. And hadn't you said something about "hittin'" Dixon more often - maybe taking a yoga class? Oh well. Wasn't there something about keeping up with the news, current events? You were going to do less Facebook-stalking and more newspaper reading? Get familiar with the upcoming election, the candidates, the issues - all that? Wait, when was the Oregon primary?
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