Spring Break
Arbitrary Argument: Hipsters vs. Scenesters
Ruben Casas and Alex McElroy
Issue date: 5/30/08 Section: Diversions
Hipsters
College is a time of transition, confusion and indecision - take it from the guy who's two years in with three different majors.
With all the choices for us impressionable students out there, it may be hard to decide which clique is right for you. Luckily there is a circle of elite members out there that have made the decision easy. When the question is: Who should I strive to hang out with? The answer is quite simple: Hipsters.
Although getting in with them might be a bit of a challenge - expect the Frigidaire on your first few attempts - don't let yourself give up, or maybe you should give up. See, making as a hipster will take a lot of hard work that you need to disguise as laziness coupled with a blasé attitude. If you strive to make it as a hipster, be ready to be disregarded. I mean, those people are fresh, er deck. One look at their hair - greased into a sea of cowlicks as they wait in line at American Apparel, ready to forge their parent's signature on the Amex - lets you know that a lot of work goes into looking that nonchalant.
Now, without further ado, here is the surefire way to gain access into the lifestyle, or more fitting, the leisure style that is the Hipster.
According to all the information out there, Hipsters need to be in ideal shape, where ideal means thin or stick figure-esque. This is the easy way to weed out those who say they are determined and those who truly are; it's also a way to weed out people with healthy weights (c'mon Mr. 12 Percent Body Fat who feels good about how he looks, there's no need for you here). Statistics say that Hipsters should have less than two percent body fat. If this doesn't sound like something you wish to partake in well, you're lazy. It's not like you need to do anything, you just need to sit around and stare at the food you can't eat. No working out involved. Now for those who are still with me, let's move on.
The most important part about being a Hipster is the lingo. It will take some getting used to at first, but once you realize that talking like a moron can be fun and give you friends you never thought you'd have, you'll be much more willing to participate. Instead of calling that girl who refused to make out with you just because you write for the Barometer a skank, call her a "chipper." Don't call your mom to tell her that you need more beer money on your cell phone; call her on your "piece." This all may sound redundant and a little trite, but it is truly anything but, especially if you're a "prado" with a lot working against you.
College is a time of transition, confusion and indecision - take it from the guy who's two years in with three different majors.
With all the choices for us impressionable students out there, it may be hard to decide which clique is right for you. Luckily there is a circle of elite members out there that have made the decision easy. When the question is: Who should I strive to hang out with? The answer is quite simple: Hipsters.
Although getting in with them might be a bit of a challenge - expect the Frigidaire on your first few attempts - don't let yourself give up, or maybe you should give up. See, making as a hipster will take a lot of hard work that you need to disguise as laziness coupled with a blasé attitude. If you strive to make it as a hipster, be ready to be disregarded. I mean, those people are fresh, er deck. One look at their hair - greased into a sea of cowlicks as they wait in line at American Apparel, ready to forge their parent's signature on the Amex - lets you know that a lot of work goes into looking that nonchalant.
Now, without further ado, here is the surefire way to gain access into the lifestyle, or more fitting, the leisure style that is the Hipster.
According to all the information out there, Hipsters need to be in ideal shape, where ideal means thin or stick figure-esque. This is the easy way to weed out those who say they are determined and those who truly are; it's also a way to weed out people with healthy weights (c'mon Mr. 12 Percent Body Fat who feels good about how he looks, there's no need for you here). Statistics say that Hipsters should have less than two percent body fat. If this doesn't sound like something you wish to partake in well, you're lazy. It's not like you need to do anything, you just need to sit around and stare at the food you can't eat. No working out involved. Now for those who are still with me, let's move on.
The most important part about being a Hipster is the lingo. It will take some getting used to at first, but once you realize that talking like a moron can be fun and give you friends you never thought you'd have, you'll be much more willing to participate. Instead of calling that girl who refused to make out with you just because you write for the Barometer a skank, call her a "chipper." Don't call your mom to tell her that you need more beer money on your cell phone; call her on your "piece." This all may sound redundant and a little trite, but it is truly anything but, especially if you're a "prado" with a lot working against you.
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Emily
posted 5/30/08 @ 8:16 AM PST
Don't forget- a true hipster never admits they're a hipster, unless it's to be ironic in a meta-hipster kind of way.
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