Spring Break
How about some outdoor love-making?
Kathy Greaves
Issue date: 10/29/08 Section: Forum
Dear Dr. Sex.
I recently brought up a fantasy of mine to my boyfriend, which is to have public sex - well not that public. I am talking about maybe going on a drive and pulling off to a secluded road and doing it in the back seat, a park or the library. The list goes on.
When I brought it up with him he didn't seem interested in it, and I asked him why and he said he didn't know because he had never really thought about it. I have asked him a couple more times about it and he still seems unsure. I reassured him that he could trust me and we most likely wouldn't be caught, but we still haven't tried it. He is happy with sex in his bed.
I have started to move us out of his one bedroom apartment's bed and into the living room and other areas of his place for sex, but I want to make the jump from inside to outside. I am not sure how to do this though, and I don't want to push him to do something that he doesn't want to do. I was wondering if you had any ideas for a happy medium for both of us or should I abandon this fantasy of mine?
Signed, Fantasy Girl
Dear Fantasy Girl,
I am not surprised that his bed is where he feels most comfortable. In our culture (and many other cultures), bed is where most people have sex most of the time. That's not to say that people don't have sex in other places (because people have sex in A LOT of other places), but most people do have sex in bed.
I would try to get him to articulate what it is that he's unsure of. As you hinted to, he could just be afraid of being caught. Does he seem as comfortable in bed as he does in the living room? If so, then he is probably just afraid of being caught. If, however, he seems a bit uneasy and not his usual sexy self in the living room, then he could just feel uncomfortable outside the safety of his own bed. If that's the case, then I think you need to try different places in the house until he feel comfortable with that before venturing outdoors.
If he is fine in the living room, then you just need to brainstorm together and find an outdoor venue where the chances of getting caught are virtually impossible. Keep in mind that if you pick some residential street late at night, you could easily be caught by the police. Many people are aware of what cars "belong" in their neighborhood and call the police if they see an unfamiliar car, especially if the windows are all fogged up. Same thing goes for a deserted parking lot that may be patrolled. Why the police frown upon sex in a car, I have no idea. If you are below window view, it can't even be pegged as public indecency.
I recently brought up a fantasy of mine to my boyfriend, which is to have public sex - well not that public. I am talking about maybe going on a drive and pulling off to a secluded road and doing it in the back seat, a park or the library. The list goes on.
When I brought it up with him he didn't seem interested in it, and I asked him why and he said he didn't know because he had never really thought about it. I have asked him a couple more times about it and he still seems unsure. I reassured him that he could trust me and we most likely wouldn't be caught, but we still haven't tried it. He is happy with sex in his bed.
I have started to move us out of his one bedroom apartment's bed and into the living room and other areas of his place for sex, but I want to make the jump from inside to outside. I am not sure how to do this though, and I don't want to push him to do something that he doesn't want to do. I was wondering if you had any ideas for a happy medium for both of us or should I abandon this fantasy of mine?
Signed, Fantasy Girl
Dear Fantasy Girl,
I am not surprised that his bed is where he feels most comfortable. In our culture (and many other cultures), bed is where most people have sex most of the time. That's not to say that people don't have sex in other places (because people have sex in A LOT of other places), but most people do have sex in bed.
I would try to get him to articulate what it is that he's unsure of. As you hinted to, he could just be afraid of being caught. Does he seem as comfortable in bed as he does in the living room? If so, then he is probably just afraid of being caught. If, however, he seems a bit uneasy and not his usual sexy self in the living room, then he could just feel uncomfortable outside the safety of his own bed. If that's the case, then I think you need to try different places in the house until he feel comfortable with that before venturing outdoors.
If he is fine in the living room, then you just need to brainstorm together and find an outdoor venue where the chances of getting caught are virtually impossible. Keep in mind that if you pick some residential street late at night, you could easily be caught by the police. Many people are aware of what cars "belong" in their neighborhood and call the police if they see an unfamiliar car, especially if the windows are all fogged up. Same thing goes for a deserted parking lot that may be patrolled. Why the police frown upon sex in a car, I have no idea. If you are below window view, it can't even be pegged as public indecency.
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