Spring Break
Talk dirty to me
Rose Hansen
Issue date: 11/18/08 Section: Forum
Don't assume being affirmative in bed means being a cheerleader. Going chihuahua or sounding like a porn star is a little much for a newbie. Something as simple as a few "oh's … " and "mmm's … " can really amp the tension, and more importantly, it tells your partner that he or she is making you feel good and shouldn't stop.
Instructional:
Instructional feedback is saying what you want and how you want it. Its subtlety can vary from "That hurts," to "It makes me feel so ______ when you ______," to "I want your (adjectives work nicely here) ______ on/in my ______." I use it when they're doing something that doesn't feel right and I want them to change their technique. Unless you've got a partner who's sensitive, don't worry about using accurate terminology in these situations. There are much sexier ways to say words like intercourse, penetrate, orgasm, penis and vagina. Sounding like a professor when you're doing the deed is creepy. Use your imagination.
Soft-Dirty:
Soft-dirty tiptoes on borderline offensive, and it's where the real fun starts. This is when you start using the "bad girl/boy" dialogue. Tell them how dirty they are and how hot it is. Tell them they need to be punished. Usually, this is accompanied by hair pulling, nail digging, biting and spanking.
Soft-dirty is a good level to introduce narrating, too. Never tried it? You're missing out. Describing your actions seems kindergarten-ish, but that's what makes it such a turn on. Of course we know you're touching/licking/kissing our ______, but when said with the right tone and volume, narration is hot, especially if you describe sensations like temperature and pressure.
Want to take it a step further? Drop a bad word, the kind that can't be published here. If you're comfortable enough to push the limits, by all means, do.
Raunchy:
This is the graphic, offensive kind of language you hear in pornography or rap music. Even though it's highly criticized, taboo, you shouldn't be hearing it or saying it, you should be horrifically offended, its explicitness is precisely what makes it so hot.
Instructional:
Instructional feedback is saying what you want and how you want it. Its subtlety can vary from "That hurts," to "It makes me feel so ______ when you ______," to "I want your (adjectives work nicely here) ______ on/in my ______." I use it when they're doing something that doesn't feel right and I want them to change their technique. Unless you've got a partner who's sensitive, don't worry about using accurate terminology in these situations. There are much sexier ways to say words like intercourse, penetrate, orgasm, penis and vagina. Sounding like a professor when you're doing the deed is creepy. Use your imagination.
Soft-Dirty:
Soft-dirty tiptoes on borderline offensive, and it's where the real fun starts. This is when you start using the "bad girl/boy" dialogue. Tell them how dirty they are and how hot it is. Tell them they need to be punished. Usually, this is accompanied by hair pulling, nail digging, biting and spanking.
Soft-dirty is a good level to introduce narrating, too. Never tried it? You're missing out. Describing your actions seems kindergarten-ish, but that's what makes it such a turn on. Of course we know you're touching/licking/kissing our ______, but when said with the right tone and volume, narration is hot, especially if you describe sensations like temperature and pressure.
Want to take it a step further? Drop a bad word, the kind that can't be published here. If you're comfortable enough to push the limits, by all means, do.
Raunchy:
This is the graphic, offensive kind of language you hear in pornography or rap music. Even though it's highly criticized, taboo, you shouldn't be hearing it or saying it, you should be horrifically offended, its explicitness is precisely what makes it so hot.
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