Spring Break
Talk dirty to me
Rose Hansen
Issue date: 11/18/08 Section: Forum
From the beginning, we're taught that the basics of a healthy relationship are trust, honesty and communication. Communicating is what guides you through the good, the hard and the seemingly self-deprecating stuff - I love you, I miss you, I'm sorry. Similarly, the formula for healthy sex is similar to what equates a healthy relationship, and communication is key.
Telling someone what you want sounds easy, but for some reason it's not, especially when you're between the sheets. Sex is awkward enough to begin with. All the pressure about how you look naked, whether or not you're pleasing them, the noises the body makes when air gets trapped down there … it's a lot to think about.
So you can imagine my surprise when I was still new to sex and my then-boyfriend casually mentioned that dirty talk turned him on. I didn't even know what dirty talk really meant, and I was too shy to ask. It took me weeks to ball up the courage to finally tell him, mid-deed, the filthiest string of words I could imagine.
He sat straight up and shook my shoulders, crying, "What did you just say? What did you just say? Say it again. Say it again!"
It's a funny memory, but it's also a significant one. It was my first "sexual" conversation, something beyond the critical but clinical "are you sure you're ready/did you bring a condom/was it good for you" stuff.
It's been a while since then, and thankfully, I've gotten a better grasp of the naughty language. When it comes to alternative pillow talk, I separate it into four categories: affirmative, instructional, soft dirty and raunchy.
Affirmative:
If you want to add some spice to your sex by including a few naughty words, hopefully you're already making some noise during the act. Unless it's necessary, quiet sex is bad sex. Feedback is an essential element to quality. If I'm not hearing something or I'm not inclined to make any noise, then something is wrong.
If you don't know your partner that well or you're not sure how to proceed, take it slow. I once worked with a guy who considered "oh, oh, oh" to be the hottest kind of dirty talk out there. The definitions are different for everyone. "Dirty" to one person might be vanilla to you, or downright nasty. Words like yes, harder, faster, deeper, and calling the person by name (not someone else's) are good places to start.
Telling someone what you want sounds easy, but for some reason it's not, especially when you're between the sheets. Sex is awkward enough to begin with. All the pressure about how you look naked, whether or not you're pleasing them, the noises the body makes when air gets trapped down there … it's a lot to think about.
So you can imagine my surprise when I was still new to sex and my then-boyfriend casually mentioned that dirty talk turned him on. I didn't even know what dirty talk really meant, and I was too shy to ask. It took me weeks to ball up the courage to finally tell him, mid-deed, the filthiest string of words I could imagine.
He sat straight up and shook my shoulders, crying, "What did you just say? What did you just say? Say it again. Say it again!"
It's a funny memory, but it's also a significant one. It was my first "sexual" conversation, something beyond the critical but clinical "are you sure you're ready/did you bring a condom/was it good for you" stuff.
It's been a while since then, and thankfully, I've gotten a better grasp of the naughty language. When it comes to alternative pillow talk, I separate it into four categories: affirmative, instructional, soft dirty and raunchy.
Affirmative:
If you want to add some spice to your sex by including a few naughty words, hopefully you're already making some noise during the act. Unless it's necessary, quiet sex is bad sex. Feedback is an essential element to quality. If I'm not hearing something or I'm not inclined to make any noise, then something is wrong.
If you don't know your partner that well or you're not sure how to proceed, take it slow. I once worked with a guy who considered "oh, oh, oh" to be the hottest kind of dirty talk out there. The definitions are different for everyone. "Dirty" to one person might be vanilla to you, or downright nasty. Words like yes, harder, faster, deeper, and calling the person by name (not someone else's) are good places to start.
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