Spring Break
Alex re-evaluates religion: Rev. Shawn in the Quad
Alex McElroy
Issue date: 12/5/08 Section: Diversions
I've finally found a denomination! I'm a Tweenonite!
Or so says Reverend Shawn, though he may have been talking about someone else, because as I walked away after telling him my name twice, he shouted, "Eric here just told me he's caught between religions."
I returned half an hour later and found Shawn arguing with a student over the legitimacy of evolution. The reverend held his defense on a 3 by 3 foot sign: Evolution is a lie. He had a few signs surrounding his small perch, a cement boundary at the entrance to the library's courtyard, and flashed them depending on his situation: What is the truth, Shawn? Oh, that's right, Jesus is the truth!
He handed me a gospel before I initially left, and after returning, I read it as he spoke. The index-card-sized message gave details regarding his message. See, Shawn believed that I was a sinner, because sometimes I find girls attractive - even though we aren't married! - and because of that time I wrote the correct spelling of remember on my chubby, pre-pubescent palm before a test. According to the reverend, these two acts alone had made me a sinner in His eyes, because it doesn't matter how small the crime is, God is going to catch us for making it.
But Shawn wouldn't have come to campus without a solution; we'd have run him out of town. Luckily, there's this thing called grace that allows us to repent, beg forgiveness from God and promise that we will never, ever sin again. What a relief! Here I thought all those babies I'd aborted and men I'd unionized were going to be at the top of St. Peter's checklist, far outweighing the Ben Franklin I'd wave in front of his halo.
But, wait, what's that Shawn? You say I can't repent on my death bed.
"Why not?"
(Trombone sound)
"Really? You mean God will know if it isn't a true repentance. Well, golly Shawn, I better accept Jesus's word."
And Reverend Shawn was so educated - he'd read the Quran. He knew so much about Islam that he chose to skip its Pillars of Faith, saying that Muslims believed Christians were infidels and deserved to have their heads cut off. Before that moment, it had been years since I'd pictured a Muslim man with an unkempt beard and flailing tongue, sprinting at a Christian, his knife pointing forward like a flashlight. My vocabulary must've been wrong, but thank - well, you know - for Shawn's presentation, because before it I was positive that those people were called terrorists, not Muslims. But Shawn's the one with the signs and business cards, so he has to be less ignorant than me.
Or so says Reverend Shawn, though he may have been talking about someone else, because as I walked away after telling him my name twice, he shouted, "Eric here just told me he's caught between religions."
I returned half an hour later and found Shawn arguing with a student over the legitimacy of evolution. The reverend held his defense on a 3 by 3 foot sign: Evolution is a lie. He had a few signs surrounding his small perch, a cement boundary at the entrance to the library's courtyard, and flashed them depending on his situation: What is the truth, Shawn? Oh, that's right, Jesus is the truth!
He handed me a gospel before I initially left, and after returning, I read it as he spoke. The index-card-sized message gave details regarding his message. See, Shawn believed that I was a sinner, because sometimes I find girls attractive - even though we aren't married! - and because of that time I wrote the correct spelling of remember on my chubby, pre-pubescent palm before a test. According to the reverend, these two acts alone had made me a sinner in His eyes, because it doesn't matter how small the crime is, God is going to catch us for making it.
But Shawn wouldn't have come to campus without a solution; we'd have run him out of town. Luckily, there's this thing called grace that allows us to repent, beg forgiveness from God and promise that we will never, ever sin again. What a relief! Here I thought all those babies I'd aborted and men I'd unionized were going to be at the top of St. Peter's checklist, far outweighing the Ben Franklin I'd wave in front of his halo.
But, wait, what's that Shawn? You say I can't repent on my death bed.
"Why not?"
(Trombone sound)
"Really? You mean God will know if it isn't a true repentance. Well, golly Shawn, I better accept Jesus's word."
And Reverend Shawn was so educated - he'd read the Quran. He knew so much about Islam that he chose to skip its Pillars of Faith, saying that Muslims believed Christians were infidels and deserved to have their heads cut off. Before that moment, it had been years since I'd pictured a Muslim man with an unkempt beard and flailing tongue, sprinting at a Christian, his knife pointing forward like a flashlight. My vocabulary must've been wrong, but thank - well, you know - for Shawn's presentation, because before it I was positive that those people were called terrorists, not Muslims. But Shawn's the one with the signs and business cards, so he has to be less ignorant than me.
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