Bartender's observations render dating advice for women
Cameron Anderson
Issue date: 3/9/09 Section: Forum
It's the guy's job to get the girl and the girl's job to keep the guy. This might be a generalized statement, but one I feel that most of us can agree upon. I have worked as a bartender for several years and witness the blossoming, growth or withering of relationships on a nightly basis. In many cases, I have seen the entire gamut run in one night. Every night I am privy to countless observations of men ranging from your World of Warcraft guild-master to the most handsome of collegiate athletes and everyone else in between.
Through my observations I have gained a vast understanding of men and to a much lesser extent, a slight understanding of women.
Let's start at the beginning stages of a relationship.
Many girls panic because they don't even know if they're in a relationship to begin with, and fear by having "the talk", it will scare him off, ruining any chances of a future relationship.
Some girls think that they can tell if they're in a relationship based solely on how the guy acts. Huge mistake. Guys, myself included, will routinely lead girls on doing all the cute "relationship things" like making dinner, going grocery shopping, attending Vagina Monologues, whatever. The point is we will lead you on with our actions. What you girls need to do - I hate myself for saying this - is communicate.
This doesn't mean you have to have a drawn out, relationship-euthanizing intervention. Just lay out the ground rules at the point you feel like taking the relationship further - not at 3 a.m. after staggering home from Platinum. Be specific, ladies - don't back down when you tell him you like him and he says it in return and automatically assume you're in a relationship.
If you want a serious relationship, tell him that you're the type of girl who doesn't date just to date; say you've done that before and you're ready to move past it and if you were to be in a relationship, you would like it to be exclusive. Make him feel special, but also let him know if he's not interested, you understand. You can always find someone who is.
Through my observations I have gained a vast understanding of men and to a much lesser extent, a slight understanding of women.
Let's start at the beginning stages of a relationship.
Many girls panic because they don't even know if they're in a relationship to begin with, and fear by having "the talk", it will scare him off, ruining any chances of a future relationship.
Some girls think that they can tell if they're in a relationship based solely on how the guy acts. Huge mistake. Guys, myself included, will routinely lead girls on doing all the cute "relationship things" like making dinner, going grocery shopping, attending Vagina Monologues, whatever. The point is we will lead you on with our actions. What you girls need to do - I hate myself for saying this - is communicate.
This doesn't mean you have to have a drawn out, relationship-euthanizing intervention. Just lay out the ground rules at the point you feel like taking the relationship further - not at 3 a.m. after staggering home from Platinum. Be specific, ladies - don't back down when you tell him you like him and he says it in return and automatically assume you're in a relationship.
If you want a serious relationship, tell him that you're the type of girl who doesn't date just to date; say you've done that before and you're ready to move past it and if you were to be in a relationship, you would like it to be exclusive. Make him feel special, but also let him know if he's not interested, you understand. You can always find someone who is.
Note: writers will not reply to comments.
Viewing Comments 1 - 10 of 48
Sarah Truman
posted 3/09/09 @ 12:07 AM PST
Wow, this article really makes sense to me! I can't believe that guys really think this way. This will change the way I look at relationships forever. (Continued…)
Travis
posted 3/10/09 @ 2:24 PM PST
Here is the clean version of the e-mail I sent to the editors regarding this absolutely horrible column:
Katy, Lauren, Candice, and Gail,
I'm trying my best to refrain from just going off right now, just
snapping at the keyboard. (Continued…)
melissa
posted 3/10/09 @ 6:19 PM PST
thanks Travis for sending this! you are right on and it's good to hear that someone else was appalled by this sexist piece of sh*t!
feminist dude
posted 3/10/09 @ 7:45 PM PST
worst. article. ever.
barometer, what were you thinking?
Respectable Man
posted 3/10/09 @ 10:35 PM PST
I couldn't help thinking while reading this article that Mr. Anderson's intent was to write some sort of comical column. If so this was one largely failed attempt at being funny. (Continued…)
Michael
posted 3/10/09 @ 11:15 PM PST
Now that you've critiqued the editors, could you perhaps elaborate on what you found particularly offensive?
willing to listen
posted 3/11/09 @ 1:57 AM PST
While I may not agree with all of Mr. Anderson observations, I totally agree with the underlying message, and that is that we need to foster better communication within our relationships. (Continued…)
Pat
posted 3/11/09 @ 4:08 AM PST
Wow Travis, I have to say that any relevant point you may have made in that whole rant of yours was pretty much thrown out the window by the personal attacks you directed toward the author of this article. (Continued…)
Sarah
posted 3/11/09 @ 6:13 AM PST
Not quite sure what you folks got snarked up about, this column, to me, is action packed with realism. You nuts want to get verbal? Try for a larger cause. (Continued…)
Brian S.
posted 3/11/09 @ 12:00 PM PST
Awesome article! I can't believe how upset some women are getting about this. Cam, you spoke the truth... The problem with relationships is the lack of communication. (Continued…)
Post a Comment
Comments by registered users are approved by default.