Spring Break
Could it be an affair, or something else? Ask your partner
Kathy Greaves
Issue date: 4/8/09 Section: Forum
Dear Readers,
Dr. Sex is back! I am sorry that I had to suspend the column for winter term, but I just couldn't find the time to write it. This term is a bit calmer for me, so my column should appear every Wednesday until the end of the term. It's good to be back.?
Dear Dr. Sex,
I always have sex with my girlfriend every two or three weeks (we live in different cities) and we never use any protection, for we want kids. Usually her vagina is very tight and dry when we have sex the first time after two weeks. This particular time, when I inserted my penis into her vagina, there was a weird, greasy feeling inside her vagina. Is it possible that she had sex with someone else just before that and used a condom with the lubricant from a condom staying inside the vagina? It was definitely not her natural lubrication that comes with female sexual arousal.
Thank you,
Paranoid guy
Dear Paranoid Guy,
Well, let me start by saying that I don't know that I would describe condom lube as greasy. It really does feel much like the natural lubrication that females produce. It could have been massage oil or lotion, I guess. As a side note, condoms and oil or lotion DO NOT mix. That's a guaranteed way to get the condom to break because oils and lotions reduce the strength of latex condoms. Polyurethane condoms are fine.
So to answer your question, yes, it is possible that she was having sex with someone else, unfortunately. Did she know she was going to be seeing you or did you surprise her (given that you live in different cities)? I ask that because most people who have affairs are usually pretty good at covering up/eliminating any evidence. So if she knew you were coming, I'd think that if she were having an affair, she'd have the good sense to shower before she saw you. If you surprised her, she may not have had time to "wash away" the evidence.
Did you ask her about it? Sometimes when we suspect loved ones or friends of doing something wrong, we are apprehensive about confronting them for a number of reasons. First, we are, of course, fearful that we are right. Second, we are fearful of their reaction. Typically, the thoughts are, "Well, what if I'm wrong? How awful to accuse them of such a thing. Maybe they will stop loving me because they think I don't trust them." So, we don't confront.
Dr. Sex is back! I am sorry that I had to suspend the column for winter term, but I just couldn't find the time to write it. This term is a bit calmer for me, so my column should appear every Wednesday until the end of the term. It's good to be back.?
Dear Dr. Sex,
I always have sex with my girlfriend every two or three weeks (we live in different cities) and we never use any protection, for we want kids. Usually her vagina is very tight and dry when we have sex the first time after two weeks. This particular time, when I inserted my penis into her vagina, there was a weird, greasy feeling inside her vagina. Is it possible that she had sex with someone else just before that and used a condom with the lubricant from a condom staying inside the vagina? It was definitely not her natural lubrication that comes with female sexual arousal.
Thank you,
Paranoid guy
Dear Paranoid Guy,
Well, let me start by saying that I don't know that I would describe condom lube as greasy. It really does feel much like the natural lubrication that females produce. It could have been massage oil or lotion, I guess. As a side note, condoms and oil or lotion DO NOT mix. That's a guaranteed way to get the condom to break because oils and lotions reduce the strength of latex condoms. Polyurethane condoms are fine.
So to answer your question, yes, it is possible that she was having sex with someone else, unfortunately. Did she know she was going to be seeing you or did you surprise her (given that you live in different cities)? I ask that because most people who have affairs are usually pretty good at covering up/eliminating any evidence. So if she knew you were coming, I'd think that if she were having an affair, she'd have the good sense to shower before she saw you. If you surprised her, she may not have had time to "wash away" the evidence.
Did you ask her about it? Sometimes when we suspect loved ones or friends of doing something wrong, we are apprehensive about confronting them for a number of reasons. First, we are, of course, fearful that we are right. Second, we are fearful of their reaction. Typically, the thoughts are, "Well, what if I'm wrong? How awful to accuse them of such a thing. Maybe they will stop loving me because they think I don't trust them." So, we don't confront.
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