Spring Break
Need masculinity? Look no further than 'manly' food
Alex McElroy
Issue date: 4/23/09 Section: Forum
While rummaging through my closet the other day, I came across a pile of outdated, unread "Men's Health" magazines. With little interest in the "300 Workout" or discovering the truth behind Ryan Reynolds' scrawn to brawn transformation, my shelf was left emaciated and my trash can filled with glossy never-reads.
But with my final reach, grab and toss, I came a across a headline of the utmost importance.
Apparently I've spent my entire life eating like a woman or some similar variety of non-man, because inside the pages of the June 2008 issue were the complete instructions for eating like a man. Who knew there were instructions? Neither you, dear reader, nor I can in good conscience claim knowledge of such a list.
So with a pocket full of ignorance and my brain needing nourishment, I fanned through the pages until I came upon a mosaic of cheese steaks, onion rings and nostalgia-inducing neon signs. It was spectacular; the food was arranged neatly into single lessons that supplied information through witty rhymes: "[A meal] that's dressed to kill, not just fill."
I quickly read steps one, two and three, but still felt slightly inadequate. Recipes for laymen can only get one so far, but what of the hidden reason behind every man's desire to cook: impressing a lady-friend?
The magazine had me covered there, also. Beneath a full-page spread of a sexy, apparently very cold woman, was my secret weapon - a dessert she'll remember! I would reveal the recipe to you if it weren't my own secret weapon.
But with three lessons down and the guide to spoon-feeding a woman into bed, I found myself wanting more. They'd told me how to make the food, but what should I buy?
I was lost, a grilled chicken breast with its head cut off if you will, and felt as if I'd never learn how to shop as a man. That was until flipping the page to find The 125 Best Foods for Men.
I detached this newfound list from the spine - the editors were nice enough to supply perforations - and began comparing what I had with what I must buy. It quickly became apparent that I had been eating like a fool, an emasculated fool!
But with my final reach, grab and toss, I came a across a headline of the utmost importance.
Apparently I've spent my entire life eating like a woman or some similar variety of non-man, because inside the pages of the June 2008 issue were the complete instructions for eating like a man. Who knew there were instructions? Neither you, dear reader, nor I can in good conscience claim knowledge of such a list.
So with a pocket full of ignorance and my brain needing nourishment, I fanned through the pages until I came upon a mosaic of cheese steaks, onion rings and nostalgia-inducing neon signs. It was spectacular; the food was arranged neatly into single lessons that supplied information through witty rhymes: "[A meal] that's dressed to kill, not just fill."
I quickly read steps one, two and three, but still felt slightly inadequate. Recipes for laymen can only get one so far, but what of the hidden reason behind every man's desire to cook: impressing a lady-friend?
The magazine had me covered there, also. Beneath a full-page spread of a sexy, apparently very cold woman, was my secret weapon - a dessert she'll remember! I would reveal the recipe to you if it weren't my own secret weapon.
But with three lessons down and the guide to spoon-feeding a woman into bed, I found myself wanting more. They'd told me how to make the food, but what should I buy?
I was lost, a grilled chicken breast with its head cut off if you will, and felt as if I'd never learn how to shop as a man. That was until flipping the page to find The 125 Best Foods for Men.
I detached this newfound list from the spine - the editors were nice enough to supply perforations - and began comparing what I had with what I must buy. It quickly became apparent that I had been eating like a fool, an emasculated fool!
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