Spring Break
Sexting with partner over long distances and lasting longer
Kathy Greaves
Issue date: 5/20/09 Section: Forum
Dear Dr. Sex:
I have a boyfriend who lives about two hours away and we only get to see each other every other weekend. I've tried to get him to sex text me during those two weeks, but he says it is more frustrating than anything. Any suggestions on how I could get him to reconsider?
Signed, Throw Me a Bone Here
Dear Throw Me a Bone:
So first, let's define sex texting. Oddly enough, Wikipedia had nothing. Here's what Urban Dictionary had to say about "sex text": "The art of using a cellular connection to text someone of the opposite sex a provocative and sexual message that can bring the person to a state of sexual pleasure."
So, before I answer your question, I have to point out what I think is the obvious. Urban Dictionary is heterosexist. Why would sex texting be limited to heterosexuals? Why does Urban Dictionary feel compelled to define sex texting in terms of heterosexuals: "text someone of the opposite sex". So gay men and lesbians can't partake in the fun? Really?
Okay, now I'll answer your question. There are some people who do not like being aroused by a partner when they see themselves as having no outlet. I think this is your boyfriend's issue. The step he's missing is that he does have an outlet - masturbation.
I think it is a very common misconception that if you have a partner, you have no reason to masturbate. That is untrue for a number of reasons. First, if you want sex, but your partner doesn't, masturbating is the perfect solution. You get your cookies and your partner didn't have to bake anything.
Second, and more pertinent to this question, is the fact that many couples masturbate together. And I don't mean manually manipulating each other, like you giving him a hand job. I'm talking about each person masturbating themselves in front of each other. For example, it could be such a turn on for you to watch your boyfriend masturbate, that the image is what enables you to masturbate to orgasm.
I have a boyfriend who lives about two hours away and we only get to see each other every other weekend. I've tried to get him to sex text me during those two weeks, but he says it is more frustrating than anything. Any suggestions on how I could get him to reconsider?
Signed, Throw Me a Bone Here
Dear Throw Me a Bone:
So first, let's define sex texting. Oddly enough, Wikipedia had nothing. Here's what Urban Dictionary had to say about "sex text": "The art of using a cellular connection to text someone of the opposite sex a provocative and sexual message that can bring the person to a state of sexual pleasure."
So, before I answer your question, I have to point out what I think is the obvious. Urban Dictionary is heterosexist. Why would sex texting be limited to heterosexuals? Why does Urban Dictionary feel compelled to define sex texting in terms of heterosexuals: "text someone of the opposite sex". So gay men and lesbians can't partake in the fun? Really?
Okay, now I'll answer your question. There are some people who do not like being aroused by a partner when they see themselves as having no outlet. I think this is your boyfriend's issue. The step he's missing is that he does have an outlet - masturbation.
I think it is a very common misconception that if you have a partner, you have no reason to masturbate. That is untrue for a number of reasons. First, if you want sex, but your partner doesn't, masturbating is the perfect solution. You get your cookies and your partner didn't have to bake anything.
Second, and more pertinent to this question, is the fact that many couples masturbate together. And I don't mean manually manipulating each other, like you giving him a hand job. I'm talking about each person masturbating themselves in front of each other. For example, it could be such a turn on for you to watch your boyfriend masturbate, that the image is what enables you to masturbate to orgasm.
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Viewing Comments 1 - 2 of 2
Elliott
posted 5/22/09 @ 2:44 PM PST
Urban Dictionary's definitions are user uploaded, dummy. Put down your pitchfork. Who the hell can be bothered to include those moronic acronyms GLBTQ and LGBTQQ?
sperez1983
american women
posted 8/23/09 @ 11:48 PM PST
If he don't consider sexting then do the real thing when you got a chance to see each other or better Sex over the phone.
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